Temporary happiness

If only life was this colourful.

If only adding colours to life was an easy task.

This would help brighten up things, right?

Learning the hard way that people lie and not everybody who claims to be your friend stays that way.

You will eventually lose yourself, while trying to hold onto someone who never cared about losing you.

Why do life have to be so complicated?

(https://ppsohh.wordpress.com/)

Arghs this is driving me nuts like seriously.

It feels like I have someone I trust, someone that I can talk to, about my feelings and any issues I'm facing. But whenever we get to meet, I tend to not voice out at all. Like why? The presence just comforts me? I don't know either.

Always end up over thinking once I get home, can I just stay away from home instead? Nah, obviously not.

Home is supposed to be a place to let you be at ease right? But sometimes, I just feel more stressed when I'm home instead. Contradicting.

Possible solutions to ease the "pain":

1. Crying

Even though it's not a good solution, I admit it's pretty stupid, but crying does help me to relax, letting out all the feelings at once, gets tired and just sleep well after that. Cons, thinking about the same issue again the next day.

2. Hugs

"We need four hugs a day for survival. We need eight hugs a day for maintenance. We need twelve hugs a day for growth." -Virginia Satir

The healing power of hugs are mysterious yet addictive, hugs are like drugs, it's really addictive and it comforts me, for some reason. Doesn't it feels good to receive hugs sporadically??

Love the feeling of being hugged and hugging someone I'm comfortable with. I mean, is there anyone out there who doesn't like hugs? Not saying I'm getting any hugs, but it's just that hugs is definitely a good choice to relieve stress or any thing.

Is this really still a useful platform for me to voice out my concerns? I don't know anymore. Maybe it's still the same as before yeah?

I really hate the feeling of being so occupied with so many shits in the head, but I just can't figure out what exactly are the issues that causing me to be so emotional? Or so affected by it.

Sometimes, I wished I'm someone with no feelings.

I'm not trying to make things difficult for anyone, it's just part of who I am, I think? Or should I say, this is just me. Deal with it?

Used to not believe in lasting friendships till I met you guys/you. But things seems different nowadays.

Tell me what's wrong please? Why is it so difficult to understand someone else? This really got me thinking, real hard.

What's with the sudden ache. Why is this happening all of a sudden. Just why? What can i even do about it? Nothing at all, just gonna bear with it yeah?

If this is how you want things to be, I will go along with it yeah? I really hated empty promises, I mean, who does?? Don't even make promises if you aren't gonna fulfill it.

Not really good at emphasizing my feelings/thoughts in real life, let alone through the exchanging of texts yeah.

Strangely distant? The key to ruin every single friendships. And I guess it's gonna happen any time from now? It happened before, I'm really afraid history might repeat again.

Tried to change, to open up, to be more sociable, but it seem so hard now. Seems a tad meaningless?

Did I care too much? Or did I care too little? Is it right to show my concern? Should I or should I not? Will people even bother to share their concerns? Or simply just superfluous?

Tempted to rely on the people I trust, but I guess it's not the right thing to do, right? Or am I allowed to do that? Totally have no clue about it.

Human beings are complex. That's all.

First stopover at CareerLink ended in a flash.

Time flies, gonna miss the people and environment there.

People with different personalities, working styles, I'm glad to have met you guys there.

Friends that i cherish lots, though I have only know you guys for weeks [for a few].

Only starts to realize that everything's coming to an end when we are feeling comfortable with each other.

Second stopover at CEAC was a mental breakdown for me. Taking calls totally not my type of work.

I don't think I can handle this task well, it's just torturing me.

It's only been 3 hours in CEAC but I've got phobia of phones ringing.

Taking calls, talking to strangers, understanding their needs, escalating their request.

Is it even possible for me to conquer this? I doubt so.

Getting affected by every single shit in life.

So tired of everything- my life.

Drench myself from head to toe in the rain.

Sad songs running through the mind all day, all night- into deep thoughts.

Always finding work to keep myself busy, to stop my mind from over thinking.

The pain needs to go, it needs to go.

Sometimes, it feels difficult to communicate with people/you all of a sudden, I don't know why. What happened, it's something I would like to find out.

Suffocated.

Pleasing others was never a thing I was good with. I'm sorry if I'm making any of you uncomfortable.

I can't even understand myself, let alone others trying to understand me.

Mission impossible.

Teasing people is just what I always do.

I guess it's just my way of getting close to people through teasing them? But I'm afraid it might turn out negatively though.

So what do I do? I already tried my best to change myself. Though I shouldn't change for others.

Opening up wasn't really easy for an introvert I guess. [With a score of 95% for introvert in the personality test, like whattttt??]

Why do people always judge others based on the first impression? It's just human nature right?

But it's true though, I looked fierce, but I'm actually fierce too, so it's okay yeah, kind of used to such things already ya.

On a bright side, it's the end of the 2 day Recruitment Fair. It was really exhausting for all, especially people who put in all they had to prepare and execute this event.

GOOD JOB yeah.

What I couldn't understand is how could someone not care or pretend to even care a little. Like hello, teamwork please? You're really the weirdest person I have met so far. Sorry to say this though.

So, having someone who you could trust more does feels good I guess? Though I'm still having trust issues like always?

It feels different to have someone who care for you and be there for you whenever you need him/her.

Apparently, people like this still exist yeah? It's just hard to find.

I admit I'm really sensitive [94% Turbulent???], I do take the comments very personally, and get triggered easily, but still, I want to know the truth behind each story yeah. I really hate it when people tries to hide things from me.

I do get jealous easily or over some stupid reasons, I'm not sure why either, I wished I wasn't like this.

I guess I'm just being a weirdo, getting jealous over a friend? It's pretty tiring too.

Probably just because I do treasure friendship a lot, just being afraid that people doesn't feel the same way, that's why i chose not to open up to people yeah?

All I wished for was to have someone who will realize something's wrong, care for me and be there for me yeah.

I'm still those typical girls who preferred to be loved and dote on.

Though I do have a weird personality, it's pretty hard to handle.

I may look strong on the outside, but actually, I'm not. Not showing it doesn't mean that I don't have feelings yeah??

Every human beings have feelings, it's just whether they choose to express it or not.

Insomnia & Anxiety acting out?

Sleepless night since last Thursday night? Waking up 2 to 3 times every single night? What's going on. This is seriously killing me, I swear.

I'm really really exhausted already. Give me a break from all these shits please.

I guess this is really a platform for me to rant my anger? Still having trust issues since x10000000 years ago hahahahah.

Are there really true friends around in this world? I really wonder. Are they just being your friend for the sake of it so that they can make use of you?

Should I really listen and open up to people again? Can i trust you? Will i regret it once again? Most probably YES huh.

Dilemma.

So many things happen lately, many things running in my mind, feeling so tired of it. Will someone come and save me from this misery? NAH.

Coming to this age, mum seems to be worried for me more than i worry for myself for being single hahaha. Are there really no faithful and non-playboy guys out there?

It's getting harder and harder man, this is just life right.

"Dont live to please others, Don't live life with regrets". I think I am doing all those right now.

Time flies. 

Already at the end of semester 1 for year 2. Studies are getting harder and harder as usual.

Tired but there's never ending of having to study.

Can't wait to graduate, honesty.